I have always loved to-do lists. The months leading up to my wedding I was in list making glory. I’m pretty sure it’s a trait I inherited from my mom; she gets the same euphoric feeling while pressing ink to paper and scratching a big bold line through a task. Conquering life one line at a time. I had started a mental list of things I wanted to get done when I stopped nannying and had three weeks free until the due date…but lo and behold! What was supposed to be my last week of work turned into bedrest, which then turned into rest for the remainder of the pregnancy.
The thought of two or three more weeks of lying or sitting around unproductively in my apartment all day and night made me depressed when I first heard the news. Okay, truth be told, it is a frequent fight these days to keep a joyful spirit. I have so many things I wanted to do before official motherhood began. I have a husband to help. A house to keep. Projects to finish. Ingredients for meals that have to be frozen until I am once again allowed to make them. I have things to cross off the list. This cycle of thinking would start and invariably I would start feeling like a bad wife and lazy person, which, surprise surprise, made me act like a bad wife and a lazy person.
So tomorrow I am going to try something new. I made a list. It doesn’t include things like organizing my kitchen cabinets, going for my daily walk or running to the post office to mail packages, but I do have things on there. Big things like stay pregnant for another day and let Baby Rappette gain another half an ounce and mature her lungs. Small, feasible things like getting caught up on my thank you list, calling my grandma, and making a shopping list for Peter. It’s a good lesson to learn joyfulness and fulfillment in the midst of an undesired circumstance now, because if there’s anything I know about motherhood it’s that there will be plenty of days in my future when I never leave the apartment. When taking a shower and putting on make up will probably feel like an accomplishment. When tasks I had set for the day get postponed because baby is running a fever. For whatever reason, God wanted to give me a head start on this little lesson: my life for yours. My ideas for being a productive person and goals I want to accomplish in exchange for the new responsibilities I have now that God has blessed me with motherhood. And what a blessing it is.