My Life

Motherhood is one of the most amazing things I have experienced. I love my daughter and I love that my days are filled with her babbles and full-out screams of delight as she discovers something new. And yet weeks like this past one, weeks where I have many other pulls and duties and responsibilities – these weeks tire me out. And when I get tired I play the Me Game. It starts out innocently enough as I once again rush through another morning shower.  I remember the days of longer, relaxing showers, days when something was actually done with my hair and I could do more than throw on 30 second of makeup.

These reminisces are interrupted as I rush out of the bathroom because of the noisy alarm of the cheerio supply running out or because I hear the dreaded silence of a curious and very mobile ten month old. She wants to read Where Is My Belly Button six times in a row and I remember the book that hasn’t moved from my bedside table for five days. And then the wall guarding the self pity is breached and I think about how long it’s been since I’ve done this or that, and how I wish that sometimes I could live my life…

But the joke is on me, because this is my life. This little person keeping me busy is the life I’m called to. I may long for a few minutes or hours to navel gaze, but my job is to show Katelyn where a navel is. My life is loving and supporting my husband. My life is making dinner with a monkey named Katelyn clinging to my legs because she wants to be where I am and doing what I’m doing.  My life is worshiping every Sunday with a squirming, distracting child next to me (or on top of me), because this is a beautiful noise to God. My life is this family that God has given me and counting it all joy in these moments, especially the smelly ones. And as I find the belly button for the seventh time instead of going on that jog that I’ve been meaning to get to for the past month, I’m glad for the seven huge smiles I receive as we triumphantly say “all done!” I’m thankful for being at this point in the story, for my people, and for a busy, wonderful life.

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